Whole buncha stuff

build/page-writer.js

@@ -84,9 +84,10 @@ function siblings (posts) {
 }
 
 function pageState (page, posts) {
+  const { date, ...meta } = page.meta; // eslint-disable-line no-unused-vars
   return {
     ...page,
-    meta: { ...page.meta, ...page },
+    meta: { ...meta, ...page },
     page: {
       domain: siteInfo.domain,
       title: page.meta.title

build/page.js

@@ -98,6 +98,7 @@ module.exports = exports = class Page extends File {
     this.source = body;
     this.meta = meta || {};
     this.dateCreated = meta.date && new Date(meta.date) || ctime;
+    // console.log(this.dateCreated, meta.date);
     this.dateModified = mtime;
 
     this._parse(PublicFiles);

posts/2000-01-01.0001.84BB41/index.md

@@ -27,7 +27,12 @@ span: 12
 
 ### A New Home
 
-<a href="../1.jpeg" class="card right span4"><img src="../1.jpeg" alt="My mother and myself sitting with our two dogs in front of a brown wall, grass around our feet." class="card-img-top"><span class="card-body">Spring 1992</span></a>With assistance from my grandfather, the money she had in savings, and the meager income from working as a cashier, my mother started taking classes at Central Michigan University with the goal of getting the basic education she needed to find better work.
+
+{!{
+  {{import '~/img' images['1'] className="card right span4" alt="My mom and I sitting with our two dogs in front of a brown wall, grass around our feet." caption="Spring 1992"}}
+}!}
+
+With assistance from my grandfather, the money she had in savings, and the meager income from working as a cashier, my mother started taking classes at Central Michigan University with the goal of getting the basic education she needed to find better work.
 
 In the mean time, the two of us lived in a small house on the outskirts of town which we rented for a measly $100 per month. It was actually a pretty large home for the two of us, probably about 1500 square feet. Three bedrooms, huge livingroom, and a reasonably sized kitchen. It also had a pretty large yard, and the forest behind it backed up to the river. Unfortunately, the reason the house was so cheap was because it was a shithole. It was built on a flood plane, and despite sitting on a four elevated rise, it still had flooded several times since its construction. You could see on the walls where the water level had been.
 
@@ -47,6 +52,10 @@ Of course, now that my mom was working full time to support us while also going
 
 ### The Feminine Boy
 
+{!{
+  {{import '~/img' images['2'] className="card right span4" alt="Me and a group of other girls around my age." caption="Wheatland Music Festival, 1991"}}
+}!}
+
 Growing up home-schooled in the JW faith meant spending a lot of time in the door-to-door field service work. The women of the faith, especially those who were home-makers (and really, back then that was most of them), were expected to be in the field service work for most of the week, and certainly on weekends. I, of course, went with her, and that meant that most of my time was spent around women. Because of this, I think my mother never really noticed how many feminine traits I was exhibiting as a child, or if she did she assumed I was just emulating the women around me. Unfortunately she refuses to acknowledge any of these traits, even the ones I remember, and claims that she doesn't "believe" in gendered behavior.
 
 I entered public school for the first time in fourth grade. I was a tremendously awkward child, in no small part because the only socialization I had received was within the JW organization. I related to most of the world via bible stories, and would reference those on a regular basis. I was also still very sensitive to negative responses from other kids, and wow were non-witness kids mean. I was a bit of a teacher's pet and constantly was interrupting class to ask questions and make comments, which drew a lot of ire from my classmates. It wasn't long into my first year before the bullying started, and the bullies drilled right in on how feminine I was. My manner of speak, the way I moved, my responses, my interests, the fact that I cried so much. That's when the gay slurs started getting hurled, words I had never heard before.
@@ -106,7 +115,9 @@ Eventually my mother put her foot down and took me off the medications, because
 
 What did work for me was eating. I discovered I could eat my feelings away. Granted, we were poor, so there wasn't a lot of food _to_ eat, but I found my ways. Between the age of 9 and 11 I exploded into childhood obesity.
 
-<a href="../obesity.jpeg" class="card center"><img src="../obesity.jpg" alt="Photos, age 7 to 13"></a>
+{!{
+  {{import '~/img' images['4'] className="card center" alt="Photos, age 7 to 13" caption=""}}
+}!}
 
 After my parents separated I spent every weekend either at my Grandma's house, or at my Dad's. Part of this was out of tedium, because my mom's house was just so boring. Our house was too far out of town for me to walk to anything, and since it was right on a main highway into town and there were no sidewalks, it was far too dangerous for me to ride my bike. I hated that house, especially once the kids at school decided that we were living in a rotted shack. From the street you could only see a tiny portion of the house, which was old & water logged.
 
@@ -128,13 +139,13 @@ I regularly went to doctors visits, we had health insurance through my father, a
 
 It wasn't until I was 26 years old that I learned about a testicular torsion when one of my co-workers' son had to have his corrected. If you aren't familier with this condition, it occurs when a developmental abnormality causes the spermatic cord of a testical to become twisted. This cuts off blood flow to the testicle, severely damaging it. By the time I knew what was happening, the damage was far too gone. My left testicle was destroyed, mangled and beaten from years of being choked to death by its own arteries.
 
-### You... you can do that?
+### I don't have to be a boy?
 
-One boring weekend I was sitting at my dad's house watching Donahue – at least, I assume it was my dad's, because my grandmother had cable and there's no way I'd be watching daytime talk shows when I could be watching Nickelodeon or The Sci-Fi Channel. I'm pretty sure this had to have been in 1991 or 92, which would have made it a rerun, but it could have been when [the episode first aired in 1990](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXvrtBsyCbc). Phil was interviewing an actress and fashion model named Caroline Cossey. Caroline was _gorgeous_ (and still is), just absolutely stunning. She had this incredible screen presence, a beautiful smile, amazing hair, and a fantastic body... and according to Phil, she had been born a boy.
+That fateful day, a boring weekend at my dad's house watching the only thing available to watch because he didn't have cable, I sat there watching Donahue and learned about Caroline Cossey, actress and super model, who had been born male. Caroline was (and still is) _gorgeous_, just absolutely stunning. She had this incredible screen presence that captivated you, a beautiful smile, amazing hair, and a fantastic body. [The episode is on youtube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXvrtBsyCbc) (uploaded by Caroline herself) and is remarkable respectful by 1990 standards. Phil did everything he could to treat her with dignity.
 
-This. rocked. my. world. Boys could become girls? What? How... how is that possible? Oh sure, I had seen the tabloids in the grocery store with ridiculous headlines about women who were men, but that was tabloid trash. It sat alongside batboy and alien abduction stories. But this... this was an actual woman who was here talking about growing up as a boy. I was astonished.
+This. rocked. my. world. Boys could become girls? What? How... how is that possible? Oh sure, I had seen the tabloids in the grocery store with ridiculous headlines about women who were men, but that was tabloid trash. It sat alongside batboy and alien abduction stories. But this... this was an actual woman who was here talking about growing up as a boy. I was astonished. Then my father walked in, saw what I was watching, proclaimed it to be disgusting, and turned the television off. This was my first real exposure to trans people, and I knew immediately that it was something detestable in my parents eyes.
 
-I don't remember much more about this revelation, unfortunately. I only remembered this moment after finding the episode on YouTube and suddenly realizing I had seen it before. But this was definitely it, this was the moment that my world moved beneath my feet. This was when I learned the term Transsexual. I started trying to learn more about this, with what little resources I had. This was 2 or more years before I would ever use the internet for the first time, so my options for research were extremely limited.
+It was at this moment that I began to actively want to change my gender identity. I started thinking a lot more about how badly I wanted to be a girl, started longing even stronger to be able to dress like a girl and be more involved in feminine things, but I still didn't think of myself as being a girl. There was no language to say that if you want this, that means you are actually female. Even the concept of "being transgender" was never presented to me, and you weren't a transsexual until you went through the process, until you had surgery. Trans wasn't something you were, it's something you did. At no point did anyone ever tell me that my wants meant I already was a girl, but the feeling began to express itself all the same.
 
 Policy in Mount Pleasant School District was to conduct scoliosis screenings on all children during the fifth grade. When this time came around, all of the children in my school's three fifth grade classes were told to line up in the hallway, boys on the left, girls on the right. Boys were sent to one classroom and girls were sent to another. I remember standing in the boys line and thinking to myself that I was in the wrong line. I knew that this was the line I was *supposed* to be standing in, but it wasn't the line I *belonged* in.
 

posts/2000-01-01.0002.84BB42/index.md

@@ -29,7 +29,7 @@ span: 10
 
 My first exposure to the Internet was in seventh grade. The lab that my mom worked in on the college campus had a computer on the campus network, which had the only broadband connection in town. From time to time I'd be allowed on that computer and would surf around on the Gopher ecosystem, reading the various silly articles that propagated within college networks. I remember finding a file full of jokes about Bill Clinton and laughing hysterically, tho I didn't get some of the jokes.
 
-The World Wide Web was a toddler at this point, but was on the cusp of turning into a big deal. The university added NCSE Mosaic to their IT infrastructure and I discovered this wonderful thing called HyperText Markup Language. You could structure pages with all sorts of styling without needing any expensive software, you just typed up special tags in a text editor. I found a book at the local library about HTML and started learning the basics. The book was horrible by todays standards, as this was years before World Wide Web Consortium would come to exist, and HTML at the time was a wild west of functionality. But, it was enough to teach me how to make my first page. I typed up a page on my grandma's computer, loaded the file on to a floppy, rode my bike to the university campus to find a computer with Mosaic on it, and saw the page I had written.
+The World Wide Web was a toddler at this point, but was on the cusp of turning into a big deal. The university added NCSE Mosaic to their IT infrastructure and I discovered this wonderful thing called HyperText Markup Language (HTML). You could structure pages with all sorts of styling without needing any expensive software, you just typed up special tags in a text editor. I found a book at the local library about HTML and started learning the basics. The book was horrible by todays standards, as this was years before World Wide Web Consortium would come to exist, and HTML at the time was a wild west of functionality. But, it was enough to teach me how to make my first page. I typed up the code on my grandma's computer, loaded the file on to a floppy, rode my bike to the university campus to find a computer with Mosaic on it, and saw the page I had written.
 
 Within the year the web started to explode. Netscape Navigator came out, introducing the concept of color and more layout options, and suddenly web design was a thing. The very first website that I saw with a colored background was Fox's promotional site for the Who Shot Mr. Burns Simpsons cliffhanger, it was colored Simpsons Yellow. I happened upon the website for Sierra Online, the PC games manufacturer, and discovered their webchat. It was remarkably advanced for the time, delivering conversations in realtime via a stream of responses instead of reloading the page every so often. It was on that webchat that my online personae was born.
 
@@ -110,4 +110,4 @@ In 2018 [I stepped down as the senior moderator](https://www.reddit.com/r/transf
 
 ---
 
-This story is continued in [The Rise and Fall of Rage of Grace, Part 4](/p/84BB41/rise-fall-rage-grace-p4).
+This story will be continued in [The Rise and Fall of Rage of Grace, Part 4](/p/84BB41/rise-fall-rage-grace-p4).... some day.

posts/2019-02-06.1212.5011BD/index.md

@@ -37,9 +37,11 @@ This is a compilation of reported medical transition changes collected from test
 
 - Skin softens and becomes thinner.
   - Expect varicose veins.
+  - Tattoos from pre-transition may become bolder and more colorful.
 
 - Reduction in skin oils, causing face and scalp to become drier.
   - Significant reduction in acne.
+  - Reduction or even cessation of dandruff flaking
 
 - Thinner and softer finger and toe nails.
 
@@ -48,18 +50,23 @@ This is a compilation of reported medical transition changes collected from test
 
 - Emotional expansion
   - Less stoicism and disassociation, and you will regain the ability to cry
+  - Increased mirth in response to comedy and humor
   - You need Estradiol in order to push this to its fullest
 
 - Reduced muscle mass / harder to gain muscle
   - This contributes massively to feminine shoulder and neck line, as well as the waist line.
   - Strength diminishes significantly, become unable to open jars.
 
+- Increase flexibility
+  - Testosterone causes ligaments to retain water, reducing mobility.
+
 - Loss of random erections / morning wood
   - Failure to regularly give oneself erections can result in atrophy of the tissue, leading to shrinkage.
-  - Prolonged atrophy can cause painful erections.
+  - Prolonged atrophy will result in changes to musculature and erectile function. Pelvic floor response may shift to be centered more around the perineum than the based of the penis.
+  - This may result in some urination incontinence as the body becomes less accustomed to the length of the urethra.
 
 - Loss of sex drive, frequently a total loss of libido.
-  - This returns eventually once the body gets used to running on estrogen, especially with the addition of progesterone, but it will not feel anything like what you're used to.
+  - This returns eventually once the body gets used to running on estrogen, especially with the addition of progesterone, but it will not feel anything like what you're used to (see below).
 
 - Sterility + testicle atrophy
   - Testicles shrink in size.
@@ -97,6 +104,9 @@ This is a compilation of reported medical transition changes collected from test
   - This is extremely subtle and slow going and it's easy to think nothing is changing at all. Take selfies to compare.
   - Changes in tissue around the eye can alter the shape of the eyeball, changing focal depth and altering vision clarity
 
+- Freckles.
+  - Estradiol [alters behavior of melanocytes](https://journals.physiology.org/doi/full/10.1152/physrev.00044.2003), the cells in the skin that produce melanin in response to UV light. This change causes melanin to cluster in higher quantities, resulting in spots with extra pigmentation.
+
 - Slimmer hands, wrists and feet.
   - Ring size will drop as fat moves off the hands and the skin thins, making the fingers thinner
   - Finger length will drop as ligaments thin and shift
@@ -108,8 +118,6 @@ This is a compilation of reported medical transition changes collected from test
   - Note: This is NOT the same as the [hip rotation](https://youtu.be/OROoZzoVwfk?t=12) that occurs in AFAB puberty.
     - However, that can still happen over very long stretches of time. An 80 year old trans woman reported on reddit last year that over the course of her 30 years on HRT, her doctor observed changes in her pelvis consistent with female hip rotation.
 
-- Improved flexibility due to ligaments stretching
-
 - Scalp hair becomes thicker and follicles grow stronger, allowing hair to grow to longer lengths.
   - Hair can also become curlier
   - Hair may change color
@@ -148,7 +156,8 @@ This is a compilation of reported medical transition changes collected from test
 
 - Changes in taste perception
   - Many people report cilantro becoming more palatable.
-  - Chocolate addiction _(Only half kidding)_
+  - Wine becomes more flavorful.
+  - Chocolate addiction.
 
 
 
@@ -192,6 +201,17 @@ Some of these may simply be the brain getting what it finally wants.
   - For some it improves, for others it gets much worse.
   - This is much more likely for users of Spironolactone
 
+- Changes in hair color or texture.
+  - Estradiol makes hair follicles stronger.
+  - Removing testosterone reduces DHT metabolism, increasing bloodflow to the scalp.
+
+- [New libido and sexual response.](/p/5BF1EA/libatious-libidos)
+  - Desire becomes more situational than visual (testosterone encourages response to visual stimuli).
+  - Desire becomes more controllable. When the drive hits, it is easier to just ignore it.
+  - Desire may be experienced more in the chest than in the groin.
+  - Desire felt in the groin may shift to be felt deeper, near the perineum rather than in the penis.
+  - Flexing of the pelvic floor becomes erogenous
+
 - Lactation
   - A few drops is to be expected, especially while nipples are being stimulated, and is merely a sign of milk ducts forming properly.
   - Anything more than that may be a sign of a dangerous hormone imbalance and should be checked by a doctor.