discordia.json

["Some Great Books are recognized at once with a fusillade of critical huzzahs and gonfolons, like Joyce\u2019s Ulysses", "Others appear almost furtively and are only discovered 50 years later, like Moby Dick or Mendel\u2019s great essay on genetics", "The Principia Discordia entered our space-time continuum almost as unobtrusively as a cat-burglar creeping over a windowsill", "In 1968, virtually nobody had heard of this wonderful book", "Rumors swept across the continent, from New York to Los Angeles, from Seattle to St", "Joe", "Malaclypse was actually Alan Watts, one heard", "No, said another legend \u2013 the Principia was actually the work of the Sufi Order", "A third, very intriguing myth held that Malaclypse was a pen-name for Richard M", "Nixon, who had allegedly composed the Principia during a few moments of lucidity", "I enjoyed each of these yarns and did my part to help spread them", "I was also careful never to contradict the occasional rumors that I had actually written the whole thing myself during an acid trip", "The legendry, the mystery, the cult grew very slowly", "Many, who had already heard of the Principia or seen copies, asked if Shea and I had written it, or if we had copies available", "Others wrote to ask if it were real, or just something we had invented the way H.P", "Lovecraft invented the Necronomicon", "We answered according to our moods, sometimes telling the truth, sometimes spreading the most Godawful lies and myths we could devise fnord", "Increasingly, people wrote to ask me if Timothy Leary Now, at last, the truth can be told", "Actually, the Principia is the work of a time-traveling anthropologist from the 23rd Century", "He is currently passing among us as a computer specialist, bon vivant and philosopher named Gregory Hill", "Hah! I am not that easily deceived", "After all, a time-traveling anthropologist would say just that, so that he could observe us without his presence causing culture-shock", "I understand that he has consented to write an Afterward to this edition", "He\u2019ll probably contradict everything I\u2019ve told you, but don\u2019t believe a word he says fnord", "He is a master of the deadpan put-on, the plausible satire, the philosophical leg-pull and all branches of guerilla ontology", "\u201cWe are operating on many levels here\u201d, as Ken Kesey used to say", "In conclusion, there is no conclusion", "always have, getting weirder all the time", "Hail Eris", "All hail Discordia", "Fnord? International Arms and Hashish Inc", "-Robert Anton Wilson International Arms and Hashish Inc", "Most disorganized of all religions, Discordianism alone understands that organization is the work of the Devil", "Holy Chaos is the Natural Condition of Reality, contrary to popular belief", "What we imagine is order is merely the prevailing form of chaos", "Every few thousand years some shepherd inhales smoke from a burning bush and has a vision or eats moldy rye bread in a cave and sees God", "From then on their followers kill one another at the slightest provocation", "Organized religion preaches Order and Love but spawns Chaos and Fury", "No Spiritual power is even strong enough to dent Her chariot fenders", "No material force can resist the temptation of Her Fifth Intergalactic Bank of the Acropolis Slush Fund for Graft and Corruption", "When your pineal gland finally lights up you will never again, as long as you live, have to relax", "Eris Discordia will solve all your problems and She will expect you in return to solve all Her problems", "In these very pages you will learn about converting infidels", "Later on, you will be taught how to annoy heretics", "But under no circumstances may you become a Prophet", "We don\u2019t intend to jeopardize our nonprophet status", "What we lack in Prophets, however, we make up for in Saints", "So you can ordain yourself - and anyone or anything else - a Saint", "Times weren\u2019t always so easy", "So Greg was too late", "Me and all the other Mormons were already Saints - and some of us living ones - no matter what he said", "Nowadays only the Mormons have more Saints than the Discordian Society", "But we plan to catch up with them", "Won't you please join our Sainthood Drive? Moral perfection isn't necessary for Discordian Sainthood", "You just have to suffer a lot", "So many other privileges of membership in our religion come to mind that I don't know where to begin", "For instance, you don't have to get out of bed early on Sunday morning to attend church", "You can sleep in", "That\u2019s an advantage to mail-order religion that the more conventional faiths try to play down", "What is so unusual about Discordian Abnormail - as we call it - is decentralization", "And those who know do not speak", "Fenderson Discordian Graham Trievel explains that \u201ca Fenderson is a member of a family you can join by saying you are one", "Yes, anybody who wants to be a Fenderson can be a Fenderson", "Glew, 5611 Lehman Road, DeWitt, MI 48820 ....", "113, Box 481, Lionville, PA 19353", "You might even say SubGeniusism is our sister faith or brother religion - or at least our Marine-Corps buddy theology, because J.R", "Out of these Prescriptures came the SubGenius Church - so named because you only qualify to join if your IQ is below genius", "You can find out more by sending them your bank account", "If, on the other hand, you would rather join the Bavarian Illuminati, you have to bury your bank account in a cigar box in your yard", "One of their underground agents will find it and contact you", "Sump\u2019s outfit is one of style", "We got it", "They don\u2019t", "But certain obligations adhere to the more hallowed manifestations of Discordianship", "Eating hot dog buns is prohibited, except on Friday - when it is compulsory", "Stepped on cockroaches will earn you no points with our Blessed Saint Gulik", "Finally, you must not rest until all the sheep are brought into the fold", "You must master one Little Moron riddle after another until, with years of study, there is no longer any evangelists about God and Jesus", "Now they waste a lot of time arguing about Eris Discordia with me", "Before I was a Discordian, I took life much too seriously", "When you take life too seriously you start to wonder what the point of it all is", "When you wonder what the point is in life, you fall into a trap of thinking there is one", "When you think there is a point, you finally realize there is no point", "And what point is there in living like that? Nowadays I skip the search for a point and find, instead, the punch lines", "Before I was a Discordian, I was distressed by the inefficiency and inhumanity of organizations", "Now I am vindicated by their inefficiency and inhumanity", "Before I was a Discordian, I used to be afraid of my own shadow", "Ah, but now my shadow is afraid of me! separation in your perception between subject and object, between you and the Little Moron", "But before I was a Discordian, when I entered my room only to be reminded by its disarray that it was a mess, I felt a sense of defeat", "That was the work of Gregory Hill and Lane Caplinger, a Discordian typist in the DA\u2019s office", "By no means is the Principia our only scripture", "All along Greg has been writing what he says is a summary of the Universe, but evidently it will be quite some time before he completes it", "Then he became the mysterious Keeper of the Submarine Keys who would never tell anyone what submarine or why it was locked", "Roger Lovin was just a dashing, talented and handsome con artist who was too shallow to settle into any one thing", "Now he is Ukulele the Short of the Discordian Society and big-time publisher of Factsheet Five", "So let that be a lesson to us males", "Behind every great idea there is a broad with a funny bone", "So there is no telling how much happier and better adjusted reading this book will make you", "Principia Discordia is both a psychological laxative and a spiritual corn plaster", "How Discordianism will change you is not, however, the real question", "Anybody can be changed by something they read", "No wit, imagination, creativity, talent or energy is required for that much", "Most neophyte Discordians are either too cautious or too serious", "They constantly ask permission to do this or that like there are rules hidden away somewhere in the folds of our robes of office", "But we are indulgent toward monks who catch on in due time", "Seldom do I beat anyone with my trusty staff - and certainly never without their help", "Somewhere in the following pages you will learn the Turkey Curse", "When the Zen Master Joshu was still a monk, his master - Nansen - struck him in answer to some dumb remark or other", "From this much you can see why meeting other Discordians in person can be harrowing", "Besides the pen is only mighter than the sword at a range greater than five feet", "As you can tell, we are much indebted to other religions", "Perhaps best of all is simply uttering a mondo", "Beyond that much, a truly great mondo sticks to your mind like hot pine pitch - gumming up your thought process for weeks on end", "SubGeniusism and Zen and Taoism have inspired us, but also Zoroastrianism - which practiced fire worship", "Our tradition is rooted in a medieval rite called the Mass of the Travesty in which marijuana was the sacrament", "Ch", "Actually, the Mass of the Travesty may have been a disguised remnant of the original Greek Discordianism", "For history indicates there must have been, among those ancient ones, Erisian Mysteries", "From the Aryan mystery cult we acquired our soma-drinking habit", "Soma, in turn, fortified us with the confidence that we are better than people who look different than us", "From Verdanta we learned how to Sanskrit our temple walls", "Tantra taught us our many strange sex secrets", "But surely the cult of Kali, Cosmic Mother, Giver and Taker of Life, resembles Discordianism most", "Our borrowings from Christianity are so obvious that mention of them is almost insulting to whatever modicum of intelligence you possess", "We asked Goddess if She, like God, had an Only Begotten Son", "She assured us that She did and gave His name as Emperor Norton I - whom we assumed was probably some Byzantine ruler of Constantinople", "Gregory Hill has since become the world\u2019s foremost authority on Joshua A", "Norton who, on September 17th of 1859, crowned Himself the Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico", "Certainly they looked like that\u2019s what they needed", "A lesser man would have been thrown out of step by that event which for Him became a step to the throne", "When the U.S", "Thus, the people of San Francisco knew better than to incite His Imperial wrath", "Although a madman, Norton wrote letters to Abraham Lincoln and Queen Victoria which they took seriously", "One night a gang of vigilantes gathered for a pogrom against San Francisco\u2019s Chinatown", "All that stood in their way was the solitary figure of Norton", "A sane man would not have been there in the first place", "A rational man would have tried to reason with them", "A moralist would have scolded them", "A man as daft as Norton usually seemed would have loudly ordered them to cease and desist in the name of His Royal Imperial authority", "All such tacks would probably have been futile, and Norton resorted to none of them", "He simply bowed His head in silent prayer", "The vigilantes dispersed", "Discordians believe everybody should live like Norton", "Norton did", "Pilgrimages to His grave are still common", "into the world to momentarily inhabit the body of an otherwise undistinguished infidel", "One day I was sitting in a hamburger stand in rundown midtown Atlanta", "A burned-out speed freak at a nearby table looked at me with a pleasant smile and said, \u201cI\u2019m King of the Universe", "I don\u2019t know what I\u2019m doing in a place like this.\u201d And perhaps that\u2019s the big attraction of our faith", "If you want, you can be King of the Universe", "Jesse Sump is Ancient Abbreviated Calif", "of California", "I am Bull Goose of Limbo and President of the Fair-Play-for- Switzerland Committee", "Camden Benares is Pretender to the Throne of Lesbos", "Greg Hill is Polyfather of Virginity-in-Gold", "Sabal Etonia is High Constable of Constantinople", "You can declare yourself Archbishop of Abyssinia or Curator of the Moon - we don\u2019t care but your mailman will be impressed", "According to L.A", "Rollins in Lucifer\u2019s Lexicon a Discordian is one who likes to wear Emperor Norton\u2019s old clothes", "If anything could be added to that definition, I cannot think what", "As I indicated earlier, my own background is Mormon", "Since few are familiar with the off-beat creeds of that unusual sect, Mormonism doesn\u2019t land itself to broad satire readily", "Yet the temptation is forever with me to swipe such startling rituals as, say, baptism of the dead", "A Discordian Church of Ladder Night Saints could open graves for the purpose of submerging skeletons and corpses", "Then it could lower them back down before dawn", "Technically the Mormons practiced only polygyny - one husband with a plurality of wives", "Polyandry - one wife with more than one husband - is also a form included by the generic term of polygamy", "Discordians are free way an obscure Japanese religion called Perfect Liberty", "For that reason Perfect Liberty owns many of the regular golf courses that dot the U.S", "and Japan", "Personally, I think we Discordians could work out a similar path to liberation via surfing", "That sounds like a program that would work for me", "Unlike Will Rogers, I cannot honestly say I\u2019ve never met a man I didn\u2019t like", "But certainly I have never met a surfer I didn\u2019t like", "Because surfing is not just a sport; it\u2019s a lifestyle", "And Discordianism is not just a religion; it is a mental illness", "to practice all varieties of polygamy and polymorphous perversity as well", "Marriage is an institution which should adjust itself to the needs of individuals and not the other way around", "(At least that\u2019s what Discordian San Juan Batista, Keeper of the Seven Veils, tells us.) But enough of this vocational planning", "If the Discordian Society is to become the world\u2019s next great cargo cult it will be due to the efforts of the House of Mirrors", "Also not mentioned in the Principia - our many business ventures", "No doubt you are a little confused", "Jesus, God and the Devil get such frequent billing in our religion - whereas most other faiths never advertise the competition", "That\u2019s mostly because of the neoGnostical influence of SubGeniusism", "Jesus was not the Son of God at all but - as He says again and again in The Bible - He was the Son of Man", "Actually, His mission was to warn us against God - a laser-armed computer-robot space station sent to regulate or destroy humanity", "(Our very own Dr", "We didn\u2019t think we needed a Devil, especially with Eris Discordia\u2019s reputation being what it is already", "But religions without devils are like politicians without enemies or perpetual motion machines", "If they are possible, they might just work", "But who will ever know? Our Devil came through the back door after introducing himself as Mr", "Greyface", "Think of Key West in the off-season and you\u2019ve got it", "Imagine an open-air bar at about ten in the morning", "blaming the first few evils on him we realized how handy he was and gave him a lifelong membership before we determined his true identity", "What really fooled us is that his face is gray - and that\u2019s far from being his only resemblance to J.R", "\u201cBob\u201d Dobbs, the SubGenius Messiah of Mediocrity", "But then so many gray-flanneled American males look like \u201cBob\u201d, that is hardly evidence of conspiracy", "For that reason the SubGenii call Greyface the Anti- \u201cBob\u201d, but in both our churches seers and sages know he is the Devil", "Nor will you find any SubGenii at that party, or anywhere else in Limbo", "With bikers and Nazis - if they were good Nazis - skinheads and pillars of the Church of the SubGenius go to Vahallah", "Bad people of every persuasion go to the Region of Thud", "Most Christians are there, but in their creed it is called Paradise", "Only souls who, in the eyes of Eris, went out of their way to be a pain in the ass during their earthly sojourns are in Hell", "Harry J", "Aslinger qualifies", "But still, the perils of Hell are exaggerated", "You can only be asking yourself at this point how these guys could possibly be taking all this shit seriously", "But that isn\u2019t to say we don\u2019t at least believe in Goddess - even if we are skeptical of what She says", "But that is now, after more than three decades of Discordianism", "No way did we think there was an Eris Discordia at first", "But as Greg says, \u201cAt first I thought I was fucking around with Eris", "All else is a matter of individual conscience", "as you don\u2019t fall in love", "it", "You may drink, but not to escape problems", "You don\u2019t have to believe in Eristic Avatars to be a Discordian, but it helps", "This they often accomplish by insisting that certain arbitrary interpretations of reality are the only valid ones", "That causes Strife which results in Confusion which revitalizes Holy Chaos", "Most Eristic Avatars display certain signs by which they can be certified, such as employment as civil servants", "So far, the most successful Eristic Avatar has been Confucius", "That is made possible by the Law of Eristic Escalation, of which you must be innocent to serve as Eristic Avatar", "It is: Imposition of Order = Escalation of Chaos", "Of course, Eris thinks all chaos is outstanding", "But we mortals find too much of a good thing a little overwhelming", "Thus we cringe when we encounter an anerism - a pronouncement, that is, which is innocent of the Law of Eristic Escalation", "If you hear that outlawing prostitution will eradicate rape, you are listening to an anerism - a manifestation of Aneristic Delusion", "\u201cWe need more laws with stiffer penalties to rid our community of drugs,\u201d says an innocent pawn of Eris", "To be sure, these laws make smuggling and selling and buying drugs more risky", "That, in turn, drives up their prices - thus making them more profitable", "So more money and work goes into expanding the market for the contraband - in keeping with the Law of Eristic Escalation", "Goddess punished me for it, about five years later, by turning me into a paranoid myself", "A conspiracy helped Her", "Governments are impositions of order designed to discourage theft and killing", "But they wind up taking more in taxes than all the freelance crooks around could steal", "Their wars involve more killing than all the meanest toughs and hoodlums can hope to rival", "Laws were unknown to the True People of Old, says Chuang Tzu", "That sounds like a program that will work for me because there is nothing in there against swiping jokes", "Nearly all the graphics in Principia Discordia, by the way, were ripped off", "(I don\u2019t know why, because Greg and I are both passable artists.) The Discordian Society does not condone plagiarism", "(Our rates for ills are quite reasonable.) Discordians hold all unoriginality in contempt", "(Our familiarity with Discordian themes is unsurpassable.) Henceforth, no Discordian shall rip off graphics", "(Contact me, or Greg, for your eristic artistic needs.) All I can say in our defense is at least we were honest about it", "How\u2019s that for a rip-off? You will also notice an unusual number of unusual rubber stampings scattered about among the following pages", "That was Greg showing off his rubber stamp collection", "This is also an exciting way to recoup some of your tax losses", "But you must abide by the laws of the Rubber Stamp Congress", "All Discordians are permitted to collect rubber stamps provided they don\u2019t mention the Discordian Society if they are caught", "Just point out to them that among people of all faiths stamp collecting is a popular hobby", "And tell them your religious preference is none of their business", "They will find themselves in a legalistic quandary", "On most occasions mentioning your Discordian Society affiliation is perfectly acceptable", "If perchance, you are idiotic enough to somehow foolishly blunder and end up in the military, insist they stamp DISCORDIAN on your dog tags", "Because we are sick and tired of hearing there are no Discordians in foxholes", "That is called an All-Seeing Eye of Eris (complete with Tear) and it will help other members of the Discordian Society keep out of your way", "Or if you are an extrovert - and are not even ashamed of it - you can get up on a soap box and rant for Goddess right out in public", "Personally I prefer standing on a wooden box but, anyway, you get at least five points for every rant you deliver", "Extra points are awarded for handling hecklers with aplomb - or with anything else besides your fists", "A secret of dealing with hecklers, incidentally, was imparted to me by a professional rabble rouser who used to speak in Hyde Park", "You memorize a bunch of standardized put-downs good for all occasions", "So no matter what your tormentor says, you can fire back with something like: \u201cHot air makes a balloon go up", "What\u2019s holding you down?\u201d Another secret of ranting was revealed by Rev", "(Use this introduction as a model.) Keep changing the subject so your listeners, with their short attention spans, won\u2019t get bored", "You can also learn a great deal by studying magnificent orators of the past", "Huey P", "Long taxed Standard Oil ten dollars for each barrel they pumped in Louisiana and then gave them back 90% of it under the table", "Aaron Burr shot Alexander Hamilton", "Mark Anthony kept saying, \u201c...but these are honorable men,\u201d all through his speech", "Winston Churchill pointed out another attribute of good rhetoric: it is sincere", "You must yourself really be against the Germans buzz-bombing London before you can persuade the English people it is a rotten notion", "Natural aptitude also plays its part", "America has known no greater public speaker than Franklin D", "Your timing is off", "Such mood setters as lighting and music are also important", "For maximum results, illuminate the room with strobe lights", "Play Beethoven\u2019s Fifth Symphony in the background", "They will be putty eating out of your hand", "That being the case, my advice to you is consider that rousing literary form known as the manifesto", "Here, too hypnotic repetition is a key to unlimited potential", "Pick any theme out of the air for repeating - a word, a name or a number will do", "Let us say, for this example, that you choose the number five into your pitch", "Again and again, five times five, over and over, drive that mother home until your victim is entranced in the Fifth Dimension", "Then dazzle them with all the techniques in \u201cA Primer for Erisian Evangelists\u201d on page 00065", "We claim unity with the American Midwest where we were born and raised", "We support the secession of the Midwest from the faltering carcass of the American way", "We feel that the Midwest should sign its own treaties and create its own alliances", "We support liberation for Quebec! We don\u2019t believe in the balance of terror hypothesis and wish to be counted out of all future nuclear war", "We call for the cessation of the telecommunications monopoly and destruction of all over the air methods of propagandizing", "No more Lucy", "No more Beaver", "No more corporate propagandizing for the consumerist ethic", "Free TV! A new localized media system will be created", "No more sensationalist news coverage", "Constant and open exchange of ideas and a refutation of present mass- subscribed theories of the free exchange ideas", "No more enslavement to the Marlboro cowboy! No more enslavement to the false illusion of American individuality", "Real individuality, not hype", "No more Charlie\u2019s Angels", "No more escapism", "Of easily led puppets, of a land easily dominated by the ideas and wills of our English speaking cousins", "We\u2019re not your puppets anymore! We need to restructure our Eastern dominated universities", "Solidarity with the Canadian Midlands", "Solidarity with the Ukraine! An end to the industrial monopoly of the world\u2019s resources", "An end to the blight of consumerism", "So if there is a cause about which you are ambivalent, do like Karl Marx did", "Pen its manifesto", "No Discordian Manifesto yet exists", "We need at least five", "That will generate controversy and confuse Greyface", "My own favorite Holy Name - Omar Khayyam Ravenhurst - functions in that way", "It is a walking identity crisis", "Anybody can say or do anything in the name of Omar Khayyam Ravenhurst", "For better or worse, that never fails to confuse the authorities", "This tradition started in 1960 when I was basic training clerk in Marine Air Base 11", "Of course nobody in the motor pool ever heard of any such private", "Motor transport called administration", "No Ravenhurst on record there, either", "A clerk-typist from administration Corporal Chadwick, came by to ask me about the mysterious Marine", "An unusual man, this Ravenhurst - with his IQ of 157", "\u201cWhere do you figure he learned 17 languages - including Upper and Lower Swahili?\u201d one of the officers wondered aloud", "\u201cI\u2019ll bet his parents were missionaries,\u201d contributed Karen Elliot", "\u201cMost men make private first class in about six months", "This guy has been a private for ten years! I\u2019m going to recommend him for promotion,\u201d announced the other lieutenant", "\u201cYou better have a talk with him first, sir,\u201d Karen Elliot warned", "Eager to score some points with the officers, Karen Elliot ran over and yelled at the Buddha", "driving off", "\u201cOh,\u201d spake the Buddha, before starting up the truck again and Stories like that spread rapidly and so did the Ravenhurst name", "On his behalf, I for my part answered a survey on improving basic training", "More realistic combat conditions on the obstacle course and field training in venereal disease control where among his recommendations", "Later on, I added to our files an application by Ravenhurst for officer training school", "Nevertheless, for some unexplained reason, Ravenhurst remained a private", "After I was discharged I ran into Bud Simco, who remained in the same unit a short while longer than me", "\u201cAbout a month after you mustered out, there was a dress rehearsal for the biggest inspection of the year", "\u201cBy then Ravenhurst had a wall locker with his name on it and a bunk", "Somebody even added a touch of realism by putting an old pair of size six shoes with holes in them under Ravenhurst\u2019s bunk", "Once or twice he even brought it up with the top sergeant", "\u201cWhen the big day came, they even shut down radar center", "Everybody had to stand inspection", "No exceptions", "\u201cColonel Fenderson and the top sergeant walked down the isle, inspecting one cubicle at a time", "\u201cOnly one bunk with bedding on it was empty", "Only one man was missing", "\u201cThey wanted to know who Ravenhurst was and, more importantly, where he was", "Nobody knows, but the other guy in his cubicle reminds the top sergeant than Ravenhurst is a malingerer", "\u201cThen they ask if anybody has ever seen this Ravenhurst", "Private Monty Cantsin pipes up", "Every afternoon Ravenhurst sits right there on his bunk", "\u201cThey call up motor transport", "As for Ravenhurst, the last I heard was the KGB was trying to find him so they could make him Chairman of the American Communist Party", "I\u2019m sure they got the wrong Fenderson", "GREATER POOP: Are you really serious or what? MAL-2: Sometimes I take humor seriously", "Sometimes I take seriousness humorously", "Either way is irrelevant", "that I am crazy is because they are true", "GP: Maybe you are just crazy", "M2: Indeed! But do not reject these teachings as false because I am crazy", "The reason that I am crazy is because they are true", "GP: Is Eris true? M2: Everything is true", "GP: Even false things? M2: Even false things are true", "GP: How can that be? M2: I don\u2019t know man, I didn\u2019t do it", "GP: Why do you deal with so many negatives? M2: To dissolve them", "GP: Will you develop that point? M2: No", "Buddhism", "The Master\u2019s reply was \u201cThree pounds of flax.\u201d GP: Is that your answer to my question? M2: No, of course not", "That is just illustrative", "KNOW YE THIS O MAN OF FAITH! I - There is no Goddess but Goddess and She is Your Goddess", "There is no Erisian Movement but The Erisian Movement and it is The Erisian Movement", "And every Golden Apple Corps is the beloved home of a Golden Worm", "II - A Discordian Shall Always use the Official Discordian Document Numbering System", "IV - A Discordian shall Partake of No Hot Dog Buns, for Such was the Solace of Our Goddess when She was Confronted with The Original Snub", "V - A Discordian is Prohibited of Believing What he Reads", "IT IS SO WRITTEN! SO BE IT", "HAIL DISCORDIA! PROSECUTORS WILL BE TRANSGRESSICUTED", "He went to many people seeking a way of resolving within himself the discords that troubled him, but he remained troubled", "Do not speak to those who live there; you must remain silent until the moon rises tomorrow night", "His meditation was frequently interrupted by worries", "He worried how he would know when the moon rose on the next night", "He worried about what the people who walked through the room said about him", "His worrying and meditation were disturbed when, as if in a test of his faith, ordure fell from the second floor onto him", "At that time two people walked into the room", "The first asked the second who the man sitting there was", "The second replied \u201cSome say he is a holy man", "Others say he is a shithead.\u201d Hearing this, the man was enlightened", "Then an utter silence enveloped them, and a great stillness was felt", "Then came a blinding flash of intense light, as though their very psyches had gone nova", "Then vision returned", "The two were dazed and neither moved nor spoke for several minutes", "The two looked at each other, totally unable to account for the phenomenon", "The condition was one of suspension, and one noticed that the clock had stopped", "00007 New Story of Chaos 10", "11", "Indeed do many things come to pass", "HBT; The Book of Predications, Chap", "He carried a scroll and walked to the young men", "\"SOMEBODY HAD TO PUT ALL OF THIS CONFUSION HERE!\" And with that he revealed his scroll", "It was a diagram, like a yin-yang with a pentagon on one side and an apple on the other", "And then he exploded and the two lost consciousness", "It was apparent that their experience had been private", "They discussed their strange encounter and reconstructed from memory the chimpanzee\u2019s diagram", "Many ages ago, My consciousness 00008 -3- left man, that he might develop himself", "I return to find this development approaching completion, but hindered by fear and by misunderstanding", "I am chaos", "I am the substance from which your artists and scientists build rhythms", "I am the spirit with which your children and clowns laugh in happy anarchy", "I am chaos", "I am alive, and I tell you that you are free", "Indeed, the very concept of chaos was still considered equivalent to strife and treated as a negative", "With this in mind, they studied the strange yin-yang", "During a meditation one afternoon, a voice came to them: It is called THE SACRED CHAO", "I appoint you Keepers of It", "Therein you will find anything you like", "Speak of Me as DISCORD, to show contrast to the pentagon", "Tell constricted mankind that there are no rules, unless they choose to invent rules", "Keep close the words of Syadasti: \u2018TIS AN ILL WIND THAT BLOWS NO MINDS", "And remember that there is no tyranny in the State of Confusion", "For further information, consult your pineal gland", "Omar began to giggle", "Mal began to laugh", "Omar began jumping up and down", "Mal was hooting and hollering to beat all hell", "the enemy is suffering terrible losses...\" -Gen", "Geo", "A", "Custer Persons in a Position to Know, Inc", "ON PRAYER MAL-2 was once asked by one of his Disciples if he often prayed to Eris", "He replied with these words: No, we Erisians seldom pray, it is much too dangerous", "THE PURPLE SAGE 14", "Wipe thine ass with What is Written and grin like a ninny at what is Spoken", "Take thine refuge with thine wine in the Nothing behind Everything, as you hurry along the Path", "THE PURPLE SAGE HBT; The Book of Predications, Chap", "19 Heaven is down", "Hell is up", "This is proven by the fact that the planets and stars are orderly in their movements, while down on earth we come close to the primal chaos", "There are four other proofs, but I forgot them", "Actually, most women look pale and ghastly when concealing a chilly dagger in their bosoms", "Her geneology is from the Greeks and is utterly confused", "And that she begat Forgetfullness, Quarrels, Lies, and a bunch of gods and goddesses like that", "One day Mal-2 consulted his Pineal Gland* and asked Eris if She really created all of those terrible things", "She told him that She had always liked the Old Greeks, but that they cannot be trusted with historic matters", "\"They were,\" She added, \"victims of indigestion, you know.\" Suffice it to say that Eris is not hateful or malicious", "But She is mischievous, and does get a little bitchy at times", "*THE PINEAL GLAND is where each and every one of us can talk to Eris", "If you have trouble activating your Pineal, then try the appendix which does almost as well", "It was first revealed to Good Lord Omar and is one of the great contributions to come from The Hidden Temple of The Happy Jesus", "POEE subscribes to the Law of Fives of Omar\u2019s sect", "And POEE also recognizes the Holy 23 (2+3=5) that is incorporated by Episkopos Dr", "Mordecai Malignatius, KNS, into his Discordian sect, The Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria", "The Law of Fives is never wrong", "And they started fighting, and they started throwing punch all over the place and everything", "Finally, Zeus calmed things down and declared that an arbitrator must be selected, which was a reasonable suggestion, and all agreed", "Athena offered him Heroic War Victories, Hera offered him Great Wealth, and Aphrodite offered him The Most Beautiful Woman on Earth", "Being a healthy young Trojan lad, Paris promptly accepted Aphrodite\u2019s bribe and she got the apple and he got screwed", "And so we suffer because of The Original Snub", "And so a Discordian is to partake of No Hot Dog Buns", "Do you believe that? _______________ * This is called THE DOCTRINE OF THE ORIGINAL SNUB", "** There is historic disagreement concerning whether this apple was of metalic gold or acapulco", "*** Actually there were five goddesses, but the Greeks did not know of the Law of Fives", "00018 KINGDied For Remember: KING KONG Died For Your Sins HBT; The Book of Uterus, Chap", "3 5", "6", "7", "These are Ages of Unbalanced Unbalance", "HBT; The Book of Uterus, Chap", "3 DO YOU REMEMBER? 1", "Polite children will always remember that a church is the ______________ of _____________", "The Five Apostles of Eris B", "The Golden Apple Corps (KSC) C", "Episkoposes of The Discordian Society D", "POEE Cabal Priests E", "Office of My High Reverence, The Polyfather B", "Council of POEE Priests C", "The LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD D", "Eristic Avatars E", "The Bureau of Erisian Archives B", "The Bureau of The POEE Epistolary, and The Division of Dogmas C", "The Bureau of Symbols, Emblems, Certificates and Such D", "The Bureau of Eristic Affairs, and The Administry for The Unenlightened Eristic Horde E", "The Breeze of Wisdom and/or The Wind of Insanity B", "The Breeze of Integrity and/or The Wind of Arrogance C", "The Breeze of Beauty and/or The Wind of Outrages D", "The Breeze of Love and/or The Wind of Bombast F", "The Breeze of Laughter and/or The Wind of Bullshit For what is left over I) THE OUT HOUSE For what is left over A", "Miscellaneous Avatars B", "The Fifth Column C", "POEE =POPES= everywhere D", "Drawer \"O\" for OUT OF FILE E", "Lost Documents and Forgotten Truths = The Five Fingered Hand of Eris = The official symbol of POEE is here illustrated", "It may be this, or any similar device to represent TWO OPPOSING ARROWS CONVERGING INTO A COMMON POINT", "It may be vertical, horizontal, or else such, and it may be elaborated or simplified as desired", "The esoteric name for this symbol is THE FIVE FINGERED HAND OF ERIS, commonly shortened to THE HAND", "NOTE: In the lore of western magic, the is taken to symbolize horns, especially the horns of Satan or of diabolical beasties", "I don\u2019t know what it is, to tell the truth", "He is called The Omnibenevolent Polyfather of Virginity in Gold", "There is the neophyte, or LEGIONNAIRE DISCIPLE.An Ordained POEE PRIEST/PRIESTESS or a CHAPLIN.And POEE =POPE=", "POEE has 5 DEGREES: There is the neophyte, or LEGIONNAIRE DISCIPLE", "The LEGIONNAIRE DEACON, who is catching on", "An Ordained POEE PRIEST/PRIESTESS or a CHAPLIN", "The HIGH PRIEST, the Polyfather", "And POEE =POPE=", "POEE LEGIONNAIRE DISCIPLES are authorized to initiate others as Discordian Society Legionnaires", "PRIESTS appoint their own DEACONS", "The POLYFATHER ordains Priests", "I don\u2019t know about the =POPES=", "A \"POEE Cabal\" is exactly what you think it is", "The High Priest makes no demands on his Priests, though he does rather expect good will of them", "The Office of the Polyfather is to point, not to teach", "Once in a while, he even listens", "Episkoposes are not competing with each other, and they are all POEE Priests anyway (as soon as I locate them)", "The point is that Episkopos are developing separate paths to the Erisian mountain top", "- Rev", "Dr", "The words you are now reading are your ordination", "HOW TO BECOME A POEE CHAPLIN 1 Write the ERISIAN AFFIRMATION in five copies", "2 Sign and nose-print each copy", "3 Send one to The President of the United States", "4 Send one to The California State Bureau of Furniture and Bedding 1021 \u2018D\u2019 Street, Sacramento CA 94814 5 Nail one to a telephone pole", "Hide one", "And burn the other", "Then consult your pineal gland", "- OLD POEE SLOGAN: When in doubt, fuck it", "1) The Priest and four Brothers are arranged in a pentagon with the Initiate in the center facing the Priest", "If possible, the Brothers on the immediate right and left of the Priest should be Deacons", "2) All persons in the audience and the pentagon, excepting the Priest, assume a squatting position and return to a standing position", "This is repeated four more times", "This dance is symbolic of the humility of we Erisians", "3) The Priest begins: 1) ARE YE A HUMAN BEING AND NOT A CABBAGE OR3) HOW STUPID", "2) THAT\u2019S TOO BAD", "DO YE WISH TO BETTER THYSELF? The initiate answers YES", "3) HOW STUPID", "ARE YE WILLING TO BECOME PHILOSOPHICALLY ILLUMINIZED? He answers YES", "4) VERY FUNNY", "WILL YE DEDICATE YESELF TO THE HOLEY ERISIAN MOVEMENT? The initiate answers PROBABLY", "HAIL ERIS! HAIL HAIL! HAIL YES! 4) All present rejoice grandly", "The new Brother opens a large jug of wine and offers it to all who are present", "5) The Ceremony generally degenerates", "HBT; The Book of Explainations, Chap", "2 The Discordian Society has no definition", "I sometimes think of it as a disorganization of Eris Freaks", "It has been called a guerrilla mind theatre", "Fang the Unwashed, WKC, won\u2019t say", "You can think of it any way you like", "AN EPISKOPOS OF THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY is one who prefers total autonomy, and creates his own Discordian sect as The Goddess directs him", "He speaks for himself and for those that say that they like what he says", "THE LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD: A Discordian Society Legionnaire is one who prefers not to create his own sect", "If you want in on the Discordian Society then declare yourself what you wish do what you like and tell us about it or if you prefer don\u2019t", "There are no rules anywhere", "The Goddess Prevails", "Some work together", "Some work together", "Some work together", "Some never do explain", "Some never do explain", "Some never do explain", "Some never do explain", "It says little, does less, means nothing", "* Not to be confused with The Apple Corps Ltd", "of those four singers", "We thought of it first", "00033 HOLY NAMES Discordians have a tradition of assuming HOLY NAMES", "This is not unique with Erisianism, of course", "I suppose that Pope Paul is the son of Mr", "& Mrs", "VI? And also TITLES OF MYSTICAL IMPORT", "FOR YOUR ENLIGHTENMENT THE PARABLE OF THE BITTER TEA by Rev", "Dr", "Hypocrates Magoun, P.P", "POEE PRIEST, Okinawa Cabal When Hypoc was through meditating with St", "It was dark and murky and it was Hypoc\u2019s intention to use this old tea by diluting it with water", "And again in his weakness, chose without further consideration and plunged into the physical labor of the preparations", "And again he plunged into the physical orgy and completed the task, and Lo as the voice had predicted, the tea was bitter", "00037 HBT, The Gospel According to Fred, 3:1 The Hell Law says that Hell is reserved exclusively for them that believe in it", "Further, the Lowest Ring in Hell is reserved for them that believe in it on the supposition that they\u2019ll go there if they don\u2019t", "\"I am filled with fear and tormented with terrible visions of pain", "O, woe.\" WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH THAT, IF IT IS WHAT YOU WANT TO DO? \"But nobody wants it! Everybody hates it!\" OH", "WELL, THEN STOP", "At which moment She turned Herself into an aspirin commercial and left the Polyfather stranded alone with his species", "CHAPTER 5: THE PIONEERS = THE FIVE APOSTLES OF ERIS & WHO THEY BE = 1", "HUNG MUNG A Sage of Ancient China and Official Discordian Missionary to the Heathen Chinee", "He who originally devised THE SACRED CHAO", "Patron of The Season of Chaos", "Holyday: Jan 5", "2", "DR", "Patron of The Season of Discord", "Holyday: Mar 19", "NOTE: Erisians of The Laughing Christ sect are of the silly contention that Dr", "Mojo is an imposter and that PATAMUNZO LINGANANDA is the True Second Apostle", "Lord Omar claims that Dr", "Mojo heaps hatred and curses upon Patamunzo, who sends only Love Vibrations in return", "But we of the POEE sect know that Patamunzo is the Real Imposter, and that those vibrations of his are actually an attempt to subvert Dr", "Mojo\u2019s rightful apostilic authority by shaking him out of his wits", "3", "He is an Indian Pundit and Prince, born of the Peyotl Tribe, son of Chief Sun Flower Seed and the squaw Merry Jane", "Patron to psychedelic type Discordians", "Patron of The Season of Confusion", "Holyday: May 31", "NOTE: Sri Syadasti should not be confused with BLESSED ST", "GULIK THE STONED, who is not the same person but is the same Apostle", "4", "ZARATHUD THE INCORRIGIBLE, sometimes called ZARATHUD THE STAUNCH A hard nosed Hermit of Medieval Europe and Chaosphe Bible Banger", "Dubbed \"Offender of The Faith.\" Discovered the Five Commandments", "Patron of The Season of Bureaucracy", "Holyday: Aug 12", "5", "(This is a misunderstanding", "The sign actually read \"DUMB\"", "Mal-1 is a Non-Prophet.) Patron and namesake of Mal-2", "Patron on The Season of The Aftermath", "Holyday: Oct 24", "2", "3", "4", "At the end of five days and five nights of digging, it came to pass that Omar was exhausted", "5", "Omar slept", "6", "7", "8", "And, lo, the Angel waxed in anger and Omar was stricken to the Ground by an Invisible Hand and did not arise for five days and five nights", "10", "11", "Thereupon the Angel Commanded the Lord: Take ye this Honest Book of Truth to thine bosom and cherish it", "Carry it forth into The Land and lay it before Kings of Nations and Collectors of Garbage", "Preach from it unto the Righteous, that they may renounce their ways and repent", "\"Look at all the order about you,\" he said", "And from that, he deluded honest men to believe that reality was a straitjacket affair and not the happy romance as men had known it", "The unfortunate result of this is that mankind has since been suffering from a psychological and spiritual imbalance", "Imbalance caused by frustration, and frustration causes fear", "And fear makes a bad trip", "Man has been on a bad trip for a long time now", "It is called THE CURSE OF GREYFACE", "Bullshit makes the flowers grow and that\u2019s beautiful", "(HBT; The Book of Advice, 1:3) MEANWHILE, at the Chinese Laundromat ", "Before the beginning was the Nonexistent Chao, balanced in Oblivion by the Perfect Counterpushpull of the Hodge and the Podge", "2", "Whereupon, by an Act of Happenstance, the Hodge began gradually to overpower the Podge - - and the Primal Chaos thereby came to be", "3", "So in the beginning was the Primal Chaos, balanced on the Edge of Oblivion by the Perfect Counterpullpush of the Podge and the Hodge", "4", "Whereupon, by the Law of Negative Reversal, ** the Podge swiftly underpowered the Hodge and Everything broke loose", "5", "6", "7", "8", "By the by it came to pass that the Establishment of Bureaucracy perished in a paper shortage", "9", "Thus it was, in accord with the Law of Laws", "-2- 10", "Moreover, of Itself the Coming of Aftermath waseth a Resurrection of the Freedom-flowing Chaos", "HAIL ERIS! 11", "Each of the Five Apostles of Eris has patronage over one Season", "A chart of the Seasons, Patrons, Days of the Week, Holydays, and a perpetual Gregorian converter is included in this edition of Principia", "00045 The seeds of the ORDERS OF DISCORDIA were planted by Greyface into his early disciples", "The Orders are composed of persons all hung up on authority, security and control; i.e., they are blinded by the Aneristic Illusion", "They do not know that they belong to Orders of Discordia", "But we know", "1", "The Military Order of THE KNIGHTS OF THE FIVE SIDED TEMPLE", "This is for all of the soldiers and bureaucrats of the world", "2", "The Political Order of THE PARTY FOR WAR ON EVIL", "This is reserved for lawmakers, censors, and like ilk", "3", "The Academic Order of THE HEMLOCK FELLOWSHIP", "They commonly inhabit schools and universities, and dominate many of them", "4", "The Social Order of THE CITIZENS COMMITTEE FOR CONCERNED CITIZENS", "This is mostly a grass-roots version of the more professional military, political, academic and sacred Orders", "5", "The Sacred Order of THE DEFAMATION LEAGUE", "Not much is known about the D.L., but they are very ancient and quite possibly were founded by Greyface himself", "It is known that they now have absolute domination over all organized churches in the world", "It is also believed that they have been costuming cabbages and passing them off as human beings", "HIP-2-3-4, HIP 2-3-4 HIP-2-3-4, HIP 2-3-4 HIP-2-3-4, HIP 2-3-4 HIP-2-3-4, HIP 2-3-4 GO TO YOUR LEFT-RIGHT...", "GO TO YOUR LEFT-RIGHT...", "GO TO YOUR LEFT-RIGHT...", "GO TO YOUR LEFT-RIGHT...", "Probability is a mathematical concept, coming from statistics", "Entropy comes from physics", "That is, in any given situation, less organization, more chaos, is overwhelmingly more probable than tighter organization or more order", "It applies, however, to a closed system, to something that is an isolated whole, not just a part", "The whirlpools that swirl in a direction opposed to the main current are called \"enclaves\"", "And one of them is life, especially human life, which in a universe moving inexorably towards chaos moves toward increased order", "Personal --Albert Einstein \u201cI SHOULD HAVE BEEN A PLUMBER.\u201d --Albert Einstein PLANETARY PI, which I discovered, is 61", "It\u2019s a Time-Energy relationship existing between sun and inner plants and I use it in arriving at many facts unknown to science", "For example, multiply nude earth\u2019s circumference 24,902.20656 by 61 and you get the distance of moon\u2019s orbit around the earth", "This is slightly less than actual distance because we have not yet considered earth\u2019s atmosphere", "So be it", "Christopher Garth, Evanston", "-Rev", "Thomas, Gnostic IF THE TELEPHONE RINGS TODAY..", "WATER IT! -Rev", "Thomas, Gnostic N.Y.C", "Cabal compiled by O.P.U", "sect \"GRASSHOPPER ALWAYS WRONG IN ARGUMENT WITH CHICKEN\" - Book of Chan compiled by O.P.U", "One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he confronted the Sacred Chao while She was contentedly grazing", "\"Tell me, you dumb beast,\" demanded the Priest in his commanding voice, \"why don\u2019t you do something worthwhile", "Primarily because nobody could understand Chinese", "* \"MU\" is the Chinese ideogram for NO-THING", "TAO FA TSU-DAN FIND PEACE WITH A CONTENTED CHAO 00048 THE SACRED CHAO The SACRED CHAO is the key to illumination", "Devised by the Apostle Hung Mung in ancient China, it was modified and popularized by the Taoists and is sometimes called the YIN-YANG", "The Sacred Chao is not the Yin-Yang of the Taoists", "It is the HODGE-PODGE of the Erisians", "HERE FOLLOWS SOME PSYCHO-METAPHYSICS", "If you are not hot for philosophy, best just skip it", "The Aneristic Principle is that of APPARENT ORDER; the Eristic Principle is that of APPARENT DISORDER", "With our concept making apparatus called \"mind\" we look at reality through the ideas-about-reality which our cultures give us", "It is only the ideas-about-reality which differ", "Real (capital-T True) reality is a level deeper than is the level of concept", "We look at the world through windows on which have been drawn grids (concepts)", "Different philosophies use different grids", "A culture is a group of people 00049 -2- with rather similar grids", "Through a window we view chaos, and relate it to the points on our grid, and thereby understand it", "The ORDER is in the GRID", "That is the Aneristic Principle", "This is illusory; it is what we Erisians call the ANERISTIC ILLUSION", "DISORDER is simply unrelated information viewed through some particular grid", "But, like \"relation\", no-relation is a concept", "Male, like female, is an idea about sex", "To say that male-ness is \"absence of female-ness\", or vice versa, is a matter of definition and metaphysically arbitrary", "The artificial concept of no-relation is the ERISTIC ILLUSION", "Pick a grid, and through it some chaos appears ordered and some appears disordered", "Pick another grid, and the same chaos will appear differently ordered and disordered", "Reality is the original Rorschach", "Verily! So much for all that", "-3- The PODGE of the Sacred Chao is symbolized as The Golden Apple of Discordia, which represents the Eristic Principle of Disorder", "The writing on it, \"KALLISTI\" is Greek for \"TO THE PRETTIEST ONE\" and refers to an old myth about The Goddess", "But the Greeks had only a limited understanding of Disorder, and thought it to be a negative principle", "The Pentagon represents the Aneristic Principle of Order and symbolizes the HODGE", "Patamunzo Lingananda THE TRUTH IS FIVE BUT MEN HAVE ONLY ONE NAME FOR IT", "* The Greek geometrician PYTHAGORAS, however, was not a typical aneristic personality", "He was what we call an EXPLODED ANERISTIC and an AVATAR", "We call him Archangle Pythagoras", "00051 28 DAY RECORDING HBT; The Book of Gooks, Chap 1 5", "In honor of this Incredible Event, this Holy Place is revered as a Shrine by all Erisians", "* Or maybe it was 1958, I forget", "STARBUCK'S PEBBLES 00053 Which Is Real? Do these 5 pebbles really form a pentagon? Those biased by the Aneristic Illusion would say yes", "Those biased by the Eristic Illusion would say no", "Criss-cross them and it is a star", "An Illuminated Mind can see all of these, yet he does not insist that any one is really true, or that none at all is true", "Stars, and pentagons, and disorder are all his own creations and he may do with them as he wishes", "Indeed, even so the concept of number 5", "Convictions cause convicts", "Conceptualization is art, and YOU ARE THE ARTIST", "When I was 8 or 9 years old, I acquired a split beaver magazine", "You can imagine my disappointment when, upon examination of the photos with a microscope, I found that all I could see was dots", "7", "Never write in pencil unless you are on a train or sick in bed", "A POEE MYSTEREE RITE - THE SRI SYADASTIAN CHANT Written, in some sense, by Mal-2 Unlike a song, chants are not sung but chanted", "This particular one is much enhanced by the use of a Leader to chant the Sanskrit alone, with all participants chanting the English", "It also behooves one to be in a quiet frame of mind and to be sitting in a still position, perhaps The Buttercup Position", "It also helps if one is absolutely zonked out of his gourd", "RUB-A-DUB-DUB O! Hail Eris", "Blessed St", "Hung Mung", "SYA-DASTI O! Hail Eris", "Blessed St", "Mo-Jo", "SYA-DAVAK-TAVYA O! Hail Eris", "Blessed St", "Zara-thud", "SYA-DASTI SYA-NASTI O! Hail Eris", "Blessed St", "Elder Mal", "SYA-DASTI KAVAK-TAV-YASKA O! Hail Eris", "Blessed St", "Gu-lik", "SYA-DASTI, SYA-NASTI, SYA-DAVAK-TAV- YASKA O! Hail Eris", "All Hail Dis-cord-ia", "RUB-A-DUB-DUB It is then repeated indefinitely, or for the first two thousand miles, which ever comes first", "00059 There is serenity in Chaos", "Seek ye the Eye of the Hurricane ", "00060 THE CLASSIFICATION OF SAINTS 1", "SAINT SECOND CLASS To be reserved for all human beings deserving of Sainthood", "Example: St", "2", "LANCE SAINT Good Saint material and definitely inspiring", "Example: St", "Yossarian (Catch 22, Heller) 3", "LIEUTENANT SAINT Excellent Goddess-saturated Saint", "Example: St", "Quixote, (Don Quixote, Cervantes) 4", "BRIGADIER SAINT Comparable to Lt/Saint but has an established following (fictional or factual)", "Example: St", "Bokonon (Cat\u2019s Cradle, Vonnegut) 5", "FIVE STAR SAINT The Five Apostles of Eris", "NOTE: It is an Old Erisian Tradition to never agree with each other about Saints - Slogan of NORTON CABAL- S.F", "Everybody understands Mickey Mouse", "Few understand Herman Hesse", "Only a handfull understood Albert Einstein", "And nobody understood Emperor Norton", "- Slogan of NORTON CABAL- S.F", "CHAOS IS ENERGY", "2) When you\u2019ve done this, write to me and I\u2019ll tell you what to do next", "Assume the contrary", "It follows that n = 2k + 1, an odd number.\" This contradicts the original assumption", "To choose order over disorder, or disorder over order, is to accept a trip composed of both the creative and the destructive", "But to choose the creative over the destructive is an all-creative trip composed of both order and disorder", "Civilization reflects this unfortunate division", "Seek the Sacred Chao - therein you will find the foolishness of all ORDER/DISORDER", "The Turkey Curse works", "CAUTION - all magic is powerful and requires courage and integrity on the part of the magician", "This ritual, if misused, can backfire", "Positive motivation is essential for self-protection", "TO PERFORM THE TURKEY CURSE: GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE! Take a foot stance as if you were John L", "Sullivan preparing for fisticuffs", "Begin by waving your arms in any elaborate manner and make motions with your hands as though you were Mandrake feeling up a sexy giantess", "Chant, loudly and clearly: GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE! The results will be instantly apparent", "00064 A PRIMER FOR ERISIAN EVANGELISTS by Lord Omar The SOCRATIC APPROACH is most successful when confronting the ignorant", "The \"socratic approach\" is what you call starting an argument by asking questions", "If he is, swear him into the Legion of Dynamic Discord before he changes his mind", "Then put him on your mailing list", "00065 00066 A GAME By Ala Hera, E.L., N.S.; RAYVILLE APPLE PANTHERS SINK is played by and people of much ilk", "PURPOSE: To sink object or an object or a thing- in water or mud or anything you; can sink something in", "RULES: Sinking is allowd in any manner", "To date, ten pound chunks of mud were used to sink a tobacco can", "It is preferable to have a pit of water or a hole to drop things in", "But rivers - bays - gulfs - I dare say even oceans can be used", "TURNS are taken thusly: who somever gets the junk up in the air first", "DUTY: It shall be the duty of all persons playing \"SINK\" to help find more objects to sink, once; one object is sunk", "UPON SINKING: The sinked shall yell \"I sank it!\" or something equally as thoughtful", "NAMING OF OBJECTS is some times desirable", "WITHIN THE NEXT FIFTY-FIVE DAYS YOU WILL RECEIVE THIRTY-ELEVEN HUNDRED POUNDS OF CHAINS! In the meantime - plant your seeds", "If a lot of people who receive this letter plant a few seeds and a lot of people receive this letter, then a lot of seeds will get planted", "Plant you seeds", "In parks", "On lots", "Public flower beds", "In remote places", "At City Hall", "Wherever", "Whenever", "Or start a plantation in your closet (but read up on it first for that)", "For casual planting, its best to soak them in water for a day and plant in a bunch of about 5, about half an inch deep", "Don\u2019t worry much about weather, they know when the weather is wrong and will try to wait for nature", "Don\u2019t soak them if its wintertime", "Seeds are a very hearty life form and strongly desire to grow and flourish", "But some of them need people\u2019s help to get started", "Plant your seeds", "Make a few copies of this letter (5 would be nice) and send them to friends of yours", "Try to mail to different cities and states, even different countries", "If you would rather not, than please pass this copy on to someone and perhaps they would like to", "Except, of course, from your seed\u2019s point of view", "00067 Questions Have a friendly class talk", "Permit each child to tell any part of the unit on \"Courtesy in the Corridors and on the Stairs\" that he enjoyed", "Name some causes of disturbance in your school", "00069 Chapter 1, THE EPISTLE TO THE PARANOIDS - - Lord Omar 1", "Ye have locked yerself up in cages of fear - - and, behold, do ye now complain that ye lack FREEDOM! 2", "Ye have cast out yer brothers for devils and now complain ye, lamenting, that ye\u2019ve been left to fight alone", "3", "4", "O how the darknesses do crowd up, one against the other, in ye hearts! What fear ye more than what ye have wroughten? 5", "Momomoto\u2019s brother who has swallowed Mr", "Momomoto in the Mr", "Momomoto\u2019s brother who has swallowed Mr", "Momomoto in the Mr", "Momomoto\u2019s brother who has swallowed Mr", "Momomoto in the Mr", "Momomoto\u2019s brother who has swallowed Mr", "Momomoto in the summer of \u201944", "summer of \u201944", "summer of \u201944", "summer of \u201944", "Revived by Pelias of Koth, circa 10,000 B.C", "Possibly it was he who taught the inner-teachings to Conan of Cimmeria after Conan became King of Aquilonia", "First brought to the western hemisphere by Conan and taught to Mayan priesthood (Conan is Quetzlcoatl)", "That was 4 Ahua, 8 Cumhu, Mayan date", "Revived by Abdul Alhazred in his infamous Al Azif, circa 800 A.D", "(Al Azif translated into Latin by Olaus Wormius, 1132 A.D., as The Necronomicon.) In 1090 A.D", "was the founding of The Ismaelian Sect (Hashishism) by Hassan i Sabbah, with secret teachings based on Alhazred, Pelias and Kull", "Founding of the Illuminated Ones of Bavaria, by Adam Weishaupt, on May 1, 1776", "He based it on the others", "Our teachings are not, need I remind you, available for publication", "Not to speak of Ben Franklin\u2019s private papers (!), but we are still suppressing those", "Considering current developments - - you know the ones I speak of - - it has been decided to reveal a few more of our front organizations", "Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria - The Discordian Society \u2013 MALIK to Mal-2 pg", "Inclosed are some plans for several new potential locations", "Please review and add any comments you feel pertinent, especially regarding the Eristic propensity of the Pentagon site", "Look, if you people there can keep from blowing yourselves up for only two more generations, then we will finally have it", "After 20,000 years, Kull\u2019s dream will be realized! We can hardly believe it", "But the outcome is certain, given the time", "I hope I\u2019m alive to see it, Mal, success is in our grasp", "Twenty thousand years....! Ah, I get spaced just thinking about it", "Good luck on the Principia", "Ewige Blumenkraft! HAIL ERIS", "PS: PRIVATE - Not for publication in The Principia", "We are returning to the two Zwack Cyphers for classified communications", "Herewith is your copy", "DO NOT DIVULGE THIS INFORMATION - SECURITY E-5", "To that end, POEE proposes the countergame of NONSENSE AS SALVATION", "To this end, we propose that man develop his innate love for disorder, and play with The Goddess Eris", "And know that it is a joyful play, and that thereby CAN BE REVOKED THE CURSE OF GREYFACE", "If you can master nonsense as well as you have already learned to master sense, then each will expose the other for what it is: absurdity", "From that moment of illumination, a man begins to be free regardless of his surroundings", "He becomes free to play order games and change them at will", "He becomes free to play disorder games just for the hell of it", "He becomes free to play neither or both", "and the wisdom of a child", "And when men become free then mankind will be free", "May you be free of The Curse of Greyface", "May the Goddess put twinkles in your eyes", "May you have the knowledge of a sage, and the wisdom of a child", "Hail Eris", "It is guaranteed to be the Word of Goddess", "ERIS, THE GODDESS OF CONFUSION", "Fortunately, you have before you a handbook that will show you how to discover your salvation through ERIS, THE GODDESS OF CONFUSION", "It will advise you how to balance your Pineal Gland and reach spiritual Illumination", "And it will teach you how to turn your miserable mess into a beautiful, joyful, and splendid one", "SPECIAL AFTERWORD to the Loompanics Edition of Principia Discordia G.H", "Hill, San Francisco, 1979 All Rites Reversed Reprint What You Like It has been ten years since I met the mysterious Malaclypse the Younger", "I Edition of Principia", "He seemed impatient with me, insisting that he didn\u2019t have the time or inclination for foolish questions from reporters", "I found him in the Temple PO Box busy wrapping up the new Fourth It turned out I was among the last to see Malaclypse", "As subsequent issues of Greater Poop revealed, he was to disappear and POEE business was to be assumed by his students at Norton Cabal", "Professor Ignotum P", "Ignotius, Department of Comparative Realities, was assigned the Trust of the POEE Scruple and Rev", "Dr", "Occupant became Keeper of the Box", "Practical relations remained in the hands of concept artist G", "Hill", "When the 1000 Principias were gone the Greater Poop stopped publishing, Head Temple closed down and the Cabal just seemed to evaporate", "Finally even the box was closed", "And I would wonder what ever happened to Malaclypse", "When I read the Illuminatus trilogy I resolved to again find and interview the denizens of Joshua Norton Cabal of the Discordian Society", "NORTON CABAL INTERVIEW G", "Skripto and was greeted warmly by a huge beard who introduced himself as Professor Ignotius", "He ushered me into a spacious wood paneled and tapestry hung parlor where three others were laughing and passing around a wine jug", "The sunny one in a tunic was the Reverend Doctor Occupant, the trim khaki and jeans was Mad Malik and the wine jug claimed to be Hill", "I got the recorder on ...", "MAD MALIK: No wonder, he was pretty much a one man show then", "We were just his students and were usually off on errands", "Mal2 had told me that Good Lord Omar always filed everything under \"O\" for Out Of File", "I guess I missed you guys", "Gypsie: Well, for one night anyway", "The interview is in the Principia", "REV", "DR", "OCCUPANT: Malik was the only one he would ever let write for the Poop or get on the letterhead", "So he trained me in Zenarchy, which he learned from Omar, and I was the official anarcho-pacifist for the Cabal", "Also I was liaison to The Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria, the Chicago Discordians", "Later Omar activated the Hung Mung Cong Tong and ELF, on zenarchist principles, and also Operation Mindfuck", "I was also into those", "Though at that time I was masquerading in Greater Poop as a cremated cabbage to throw off the FBI", "Gypsie [to Hill]: Since you wrote it, I take it you are an anarchist? G", "Skripto NORTON CABAL INTERVIEW 79/11/26 -3- Loompanics G.H", "HILL: Since then I have given up anarchy", "Too many rules - hating the government and all that stuff", "IGNOTUM PER IGNOTIUS: It\u2019s like hating your own fantasies", "Malik: [Anarchy] is also standing up and proceeding forward, fantasy rule or not", "The condition is the same", "Occupant: Brother needs some wine! Malik: We have had this argument before, Reverend Doctor Brother", "But wine before platitudes, fill it up", "Gypsie [to Hill]: And pacifism? Hill: I\u2019m not sure I ever was one", "Mal2 was not, Malik was", "Personally I accepted self defense yet I could never reconcile that with the ideal", "I finally gave up on that one too", "Actually I just gave up on idealism", "Ignotius: Idealism lives with rules", "Realism lives with rocks", "Hill: Yeah", "I get along better with rocks", "Malik: Mal2 once told me that pacifism was a dilemma", "If everybody was a pacifist then everything would be perfect", "But nobody is going to be a pacifist unless I am first", "But if I am and somebody else is not, then I get screwed", "He said that there were five choices under that circumstance", "The first was napalming farmers and the second was executing your parents", "The third was hypocrisy, the fourth was cowardice, and the fifth was to swallow the dilemma", "Zenarchists are trained in dilemma swallowing", "Occupant: So are other Erisians, like POEE", "Ignotius: That is characteristic of the Discordian perspective", "Hill: But of course training contradicts Discordian principles", "Malik: Oh so what", "Contradictions are nothing to Discordians", "Occupant: Dilemma, Schlimemma", "[to Gypsie]: What do you think of this, pretty ma\u2019am? We don\u2019t get to hear your thoughts", "Gypsie: I\u2019m reporting now, you talk", "Occupant: Later then? NORTON CABAL INTERVIEW G", "Skripto 79/11/26 -4- Loompanics Gypsie: Perhaps", "Later", "Occupant: You are smiling", "Gypsie: Hey, guy, later", "[to Hill]: Doesn\u2019t this leave you a little schizy? Hill: It\u2019s OK, I\u2019m half Gemini", "Gypsie: What\u2019s the other half? Hill: Taurus", "That makes me stubborn schizy", "Ignotius: I\u2019m a Whale", "Occupant: I choose Satyr", "Malik: Spirits don\u2019t have signs", "Hill: A character can have a sign if I want it so", "Occupant: Well I can have a sign if I want to and screw both of you", "Malik: Come on Greg, you just think that we are your characters...", "Occupant: You were inhabited by Malaclypse the Younger", "He caused you to create roles and those roles are being performed by us spirits", "Ignotius: A perfectly normal pagan relationship", "Hill: Well you can look at it like that if you want to, but I created Mal2 to my specifications just as I conceived all the rest of you", "Occupant: You didn\u2019t invent Eris", "She caused you to think you created the spirit of Malaclypse", "Hill: Oh bull! Besides, I changed her so much the Greeks would never recognize her", "Occupant: That\u2019s what She wanted! Ignotius: Deities change things around all the time", "Malik: What you don\u2019t realize is that a spirit has a self identity", "Hill: Nope", "A spirit is a product of definition and the one who is doing the defining around here is me", "Your identity is what I say it is", "Just to prove it, I\u2019m going to change your name", "G", "Skripto NORTON CABAL INTERVIEW 79/11/26 -5- Loompanics SINISTER DEXTER: It\u2019s OK with me", "Fate is fate", "I never much liked \"Mad Malik\" anyway", "Ignotius: Besides people confused him with Joe Malik in Illuminatus", "Dexter: I sort of enjoyed the confusion part", "Occupant: Doesn\u2019t prove anything anyway", "Gypsie: That name sounds familiar", "Where is it from? Hill: Its a name I came up with in the old days and never used much", "Its on page 38 of the Principia referring to Vice President Spiro Agnew", "I always thought I invented it but now it sounds like a Stan Freberg name now that I think about it", "It may have stuck in my preconscious memory from early TV", "Gypsie: Can you use it without his permission? Hill: If it is his? I don\u2019t know", "I hope so", "It means \"left right\" in Latin and is a perfect name for a libertarian anarchist", "Actually in my kind of art the question of what can I use freely and what can I not is a very trickly problem", "Gypsie: How do you mean? Hill: Well, take a collage for example", "Like the early one on page 36 of the Principia", "Each little piece was extracted from some larger work created by some other artist and published and maybe copyrighted", "I find them in newspapers and magazines mostly", "Often from ads", "With a collage you select and extract from your environment and then assemble into an original relationship", "The Principia itself is a collage", "A conceptual collage", "All of it happens simultaneously", "But visually it is a montage, passing through time, like a book does", "There is a lot of pirated stuff in the Principia, especially in the margins", "But also I sympathize with artists who must own and sell their works to earn a living", "Art, like knowledge, should be free fodder for everyone", "But it isn\u2019t", "It is perplexing", "Gypsie: Where did all the things in Principia come from? Hill: Well, a full answer would take a whole book in itself", "Most of the writing credited to a name is a true person and almost always a different name means a different person", "Most of the non-credited, you know, Malaclypse, text is mine NORTON CABAL INTERVIEW G", "Skripto although some things credited to either Mal2 or Omar were actually co-written and passed back and forth and rewritten by each of us", "Mostly I did concept, say 50% of the writing, 10% of the graphics, all of the layout", "Hill: Well, the poem on the front cover is by Walt Kelly and was spoken by one of his characters in Pogo", "The government seals starting on page 1 are from a book of sample seals from the U.S", "Government Printing Office", "Western Union on page 6 got into the act because I used to be a teletype operator and had access to blank forms", "Rubber stamps came from all over the place and some, like the apple on page 27, I carved myself", "A few I ordered to my specification, like on page 1", "The quote on top of page 8 might be from Barnum, I\u2019m not sure", "The jumping man on page 12 is from an advertisement", "I recognize the style - a popular commercial artist - but I don\u2019t know his name", "The Chinese on that page is a grocery ad, I think", "The Norton money on page 14 is historic, plus my little additions", "That group produced the best damn mimeography I\u2019ve ever seen", "The Lick Here Box on page 23 is one of many tidbits making the rounds in alternative/underground newspapers in those days", "Trip 5 page header on 29 was a chapter title in one of Tim Leary\u2019s books", "I don\u2019t remember their names", "Wonderful magazine", "Hill: Yeah, in a way that is right", "That is why my name does not appear anywhere on the Principia and why it was published with a broken copyright - Reprint What You Like", "I knew I was taking liberties and didn\u2019t want my intentions to be misunderstood", "It was an experiment and was intended to be an underground work and that involves a different set of ethics than commercial work", "79/11/26 -6- Loompanics Gypsie: Specifically, what are some of the sources? Occupant: Eris told Mal2 what to use and where to find it", "Gypsie: There are no real names at all? G", "Skripto NORTON CABAL INTERVIEW Hill: Oh, I changed a quote from Tom Gnostic on page 61 and I don\u2019t think he ever did forgive me for it", "He\u2019s right", "Starbuck\u2019s Pebbles should have been preceded by the Myth of Starbuck which was being saved for something else and never got used", "I should have used it when I had the chance", "Principia/Malaclypse was a very personal work for me and actually took 10 years to culminate", "It was one single statement that included my adolescence in the 50\u2019s and my young adulthood in the 60\u2019s", "When I finally had the paste-ups done I knew that I had finished it", "That is why, quote, Malaclypse left", "I knew it was finished", "I didn\u2019t know exactly what it was, but it was done", "79/11/26 -7- Loompanics Hill: Oh, some", "Camden Benares is a real name because he legally changed his original name to his Holy Name", "Also, instead of using Mordecai Malignatus I used Bob Wilson\u2019s real name on page 12 because Werewolf Bridge was a work before Discordianism", "And of course real people like Neils Bohr crop up in quotes", "There are a few errors though", "Gypsie: Like what? Gypsie: Will there ever be a Fifth Edition? Hill: There already is a Fifth Edition, by Mal2", "It is a one page telegram that reduces everything to an infinite aum", "I found it at Western Union where a machine got stuck and kicked out hundreds of pages of nothing but m\u2019s", "He made it the Fifth Edition and then left", "Occupant: See? Gypsie: Earlier you said that you met your objectives", "Just what were those objectives? Hill: Well, that\u2019s hard to answer because it kept refining itself over the years", "In 1969 I mainly thought of myself as a cosmic clown and I set out to prove, by NORTON CABAL INTERVIEW G", "Skripto Dexter: I don\u2019t much go for the worship business but I agree with Occupant about the spirit of the thing", "We live in a time of turmoil, the whole planet is in a state of change", "If we, as a species, cower from the confusion then we die with the dying", "This is revolution", "79/11/26 -8- Loompanics demonstration, that a deity can be anything at all", "In other words, people invent gods and not the other way around", "Later I decided that I was doing some kind of conceptual art", "In the 50\u2019s my culture taught me that I was created by and for a deity, a specific male deity, and that all other deities are FALSE", "Yet my growing experience showed me that any deity is true in some sense and false in some other sense", "So I set out to do what my society told me is impossible\u2014make a real religion from a patently absurd deity", "In the 50\u2019s a female deity was blasphemy", "In the 70\u2019s a humorous deity is still considered impossible, ridiculous and blasphemous", "As far as I\u2019m concerned, I have proven my point", "Eris is a real deity and even though I don\u2019t promote Erisianism as a serious religion ...", "Occupant: I do! Dexter: You speak for yourself", "Ignotius: Here, here", "Hill: ...I do point out that it makes just as much sense from its own perspective as all the others do from each of their own perspectives", "Occupant: I think paganism is a valid spiritual path", "I encourage Erisianism because it makes fun of itself", "I think this is healthy", "Ignotius: If you can live rewardingly with Goddess Eris you can live with any deity, including none or all", "Ignotius: I am an athiest myself", "There is no Greg Hill", "[ laughter ] Gypsie [to Hill]: What do you think of Illuminatus? Hill: Oh, I love it", "I was finishing Principia when Shea and Wilson were working on Illuminatus", "It took Dell five years to publish it...maybe that is significant", "G", "Norton Cabal was just me and my characters and I used the other cabals as sort of a laboratory", "In return other Discordians would bounce their stuff off of me", "We would toss in ideas and anybody could take anything out", "It was a concept stew", "The exchanging of ideas and techniques broadened and encouraged all of us", "I like Illuminatus for the surrealism", "A very effective method of writing", "Ignotius: I got misquoted", "Worse, I wasn\u2019t even in that scene and if I had been then I would have said something else", "Dexter [to Ignotius]: That was me in that scene", "Ignotius: Oh, is that what that was? Dexter: He got our names mixed up", "Hill: He got mixed up about me too, in Cosmic Trigger", "Which was my second New Orleans trip in 1965", "I worked for a guy on Bourbon Street who was a Xerox salesman by day", "Dexter: I think that George Dorn took too much guff from Hagbard", "If someone pulls a weapon on me, I\u2019m more inclined to either leave or kill the sonofabitch", "Occupant: You are supposed to be a pacifist", "Dexter: I\u2019m speaking figuratively of course", "I\u2019ll tell you more tomorrow", "* I checked this further with Mr", "Thornley", "--GS NORTON CABAL INTERVIEW G", "Skripto 79/11/26 -10- Loompanics Gypsie [to Hill]: Did you really translate erotic Etruscan poetry? Hill: Sure, but I used a pen name", "I signed it \"Robert Anton Wilson\"", "[A quick rap is heard on the door] Gypsie: I have only one question left..", "Dexter: I\u2019ll get it", "No, no, I must not say", "It replaces an earlier version we created that had several printing problems, sub-par graphics, and many misspellings", "This version is about as perfect as we could make it and still be realistically downloadable (original misspellings by authors were kept)", "Unlike our first attempt at PDFing the Principia, no Steve Jackson material was included in this version", "Whatever strikes your fancy", "- Prince Mu-Chao, High Mucky-Muck, 23AE AMBROSE BIERCE SAYS, \u201cSave Your Barcodes!\u201d"]