bot.js

var Discord = require('discord.io');
var logger = require('winston');
var giveMeAJoke = require('give-me-a-joke');
var messages = {}
var shutUp = {}
// Configure logger settings
logger.remove(logger.transports.Console);
logger.add(new logger.transports.Console, {
    colorize: true
});
logger.level = 'debug';
// Initialize Discord Bot
var bot = new Discord.Client({
    token: process.env.BOT_TOKEN,
    autorun: true
});
bot.on('ready', function (evt) {
    logger.info('Connected');
    logger.info('Logged in as: ');
    logger.info(bot.username + ' - (' + bot.id + ')');
});

bot.on('error', console.error);

bot.on('message', function (user, userID, channelID, message, evt) {
    if (!messages[channelID]) {
        messages[channelID] = 1
    } else {
        messages[channelID]++;
    }
    // Our bot needs to know if it will execute a command
    // It will listen for messages that will start with `!`

    try {
        if (message === "Shut up, dad" || message === "shut up, dad" || message === "SHUT UP, DAD") {
            let timeToShutUp = new Date()
            let offset = 120 + Math.random() * 1800
            timeToShutUp.setSeconds(timeToShutUp.getSeconds() + offset)
            shutUp[channelID] = timeToShutUp

            bot.sendMessage({
                to: channelID,
                message: "Sorry to hear you're embarrassed by me, child. I'll be back in " + Math.round((offset/60) * 10) / 10 + " minutes",
                tts: false
            });
            console.log(timeToShutUp.toDateString())

            let serverId = bot.channels[channelID].guild_id
            bot.editNickname({
                serverID: serverId,
                userID: userID,
                nick: "having a tantrum",
            }, response => {console.log(response)});
        } else if (message.toLowerCase() === "for fuck's sake, please stop, i'll even give up tea for you") {
            let timeToShutUp = new Date()
            let offset = 120 + Math.random() * 600
            timeToShutUp.setSeconds(timeToShutUp.getSeconds() + offset)
            shutUp[channelID] = timeToShutUp

            bot.sendMessage({
                to: channelID,
                message: "Oh dear. I'll go now, see you in " + Math.round((offset/60) * 10) / 10 + " minutes",
                tts: false
            });
        }

        if (!shutUp[channelID] || new Date() > shutUp[channelID]) {

            let sentences = []

            try {
                sentences = message.split(".")
                sentences.push(message)
            } catch (e) {
                sentences = [message]
            }

            console.log(sentences)
            for (i = 0; i < sentences.length; i++) {
                if (checkMessage(sentences[i]) && userID !== bot.id) {

                    let sentence = sentences[i]
                    let serverId = bot.channels[channelID].guild_id
                    console.log(serverId)
                    console.log(sentence)
                    const strings = ["I'm ", "Im ", "i'm ", "im ", "I am ", "i am ", "I.m ", "i.m ", "I'.m ", "i'.m ", "i,m", "I,m"]
                    const indices = []

                    strings.forEach(string => {
                        indices.push(sentence.indexOf(string))
                    })
                    console.log(indices)
                    var thisindex = Math.max(...indices);
                    console.log(thisindex)
                    var whichIntro = 0
                    for (var i = 0; i < indices.length; i++) {
                        if (indices[i] === thisindex) {
                            whichIntro = i;
                        }
                    }
                    console.log(whichIntro)

                    const lengthOfIntro = strings[whichIntro].length

                    const whoAmI = sentence.substring(thisindex + lengthOfIntro)

                    const messageToSend = "Hi " + whoAmI + ", this is dad."

                    bot.sendMessage({
                        to: channelID,
                        message: messageToSend,
                        tts: false
                    });

                    console.log(channelID)
                    bot.editNickname({
                        serverID: serverId,
                        userID: userID,
                        nick: whoAmI,
                    }, response => {console.log(response)});

                    break;
                } else if (messages[channelID] >= 30) {
                    //send a joke
                    let joke = giveMeAJoke.getRandomDadJoke(joke => {
                        bot.sendMessage({
                            to: channelID,
                            message: joke,
                            tts: false
                        });
                    })

                    messages[channelID] = 0
                }
            }
        }
    } catch (e) {
        console.log(e)
    }
});


function checkMessage(message) {
    if (message.includes(" I'm ") || message.includes(" Im ") || message.includes(" i'm ") || message.includes(" im ") || message.includes(" I am ") || message.includes(" i am ") || message.includes(" I.m ") || message.includes(" i.m ") || message.includes(" I'.m ") || message.includes(" i'.m ") || message.includes(" i,m ") || message.includes(" I,m ")) {
        return true
    } else {
        message = " " + message
        return message.includes(" I'm ") || message.includes(" Im ") || message.includes(" i'm ") || message.includes(" im ") || message.includes(" I am ") || message.includes(" i am ") || message.includes(" I.m ") || message.includes(" i.m ") || message.includes(" I'.m ") || message.includes(" i'.m ");
    }
}