- Social relashionshipe and happiness
-
A social relationships form a necessary but not sufficient condition for high happiness in other words you can’t only have social relationships but if you don’t have strong social relationships you’re not likely to end up a person who would be characterized as very happy
- Things that are most strongly related to feeling happy
-
talking with friends
- Preferred activities
-
n.1 intimate relation m.2 socialisation
- Loneliness and consequences
-
Decreased inflammatory control or hyper inflammation in their bodies and worsened immune responses and difficulty sleeping People actively excluded from the game. their brains light up regions that are the same regions that light up when when they feel pain when they’re undergoing physical physically painful experiences
-
We are a care taking species
-
Flattered Hierarchies
-
We are reconciling species
-
Hyper coordinate species
-
Strive for monogamy
We’re loosing the ultrasocial factor:
-
High dovorce rate
-
Marital satisfaction declined
-
Rise in loneliness
-
Lost a friend 3→2
-
Average american child spends more time watching TV han talking with parents
3 sistemi
-
reproductive system
-
attachment system (emotion)
-
caregiving system (touch, vocalisation, eye contact)
- Secure
-
-
loving, warm, trusting
-
happy, pleasant, give support
-
- Unsecure
-
- Anxious
-
-
worried, intrusive; statistically divorce, abuse or death of parents
-
anxious, depressed, or stalkers!
-
- Avoidant
-
-
cold, aloof, dismissive
-
less receptors of happiness feelings
-
-
Secure: “Being close is easy!”
-
insecure:
-
Anxious-preoccupied: “I want to be emotionally intimate with people, but they don’t want to be with me!”
-
Dismissive-avoidant: “I’d rather not depend on others or have others depend on me!”
-
Fearful-avoidant: “I want to be close, but what if I get hurt?”
-
-
people with an anxious attachment style have a romantic partner who consistently seems committed to them, they feel less anxious and insecure.
-
Two diferent methods who lives with insecure attachment:
-
People in the study who felt securely attached to their parents seemed more soothed in a stressful situation when their partner provided emotional care, such as by being nurturing, expressing emotional intimacy, or encouraging them to talk about their emotions or experiences relevant to the problem.
-
However, people with a dismissive/avoidant attachment style were more soothed when their partner offered "instrumental" caregiving, meaning that they gave specific, concrete advice or suggestions about how to solve the problem, or discussed the problem in an intellectual, rational way.
-
-
Five ways to overcome attachment insecurity:
-
Get to know your attachment pattern by reading up on attachment theory
-
If you don’t already have a great therapist with expertise in attachment theory, find one.
-
Seek out partners with secure attachment styles.
-
If you didn’t find such a partner, go to couples therapy.
-
Practice.
-
Just like riding a bike
-
only mammals
-
oxytocin
-
stronger immune system
-
regulates your inflammation response to disease
-
helps coordinate the interaction between your breathing and your heart rate
-
controls a lot of digestive processes
-
images of suffering activate the vagus nerve
-
This graph just shows you when you measure vagus nerve by looking at the relationship between heart rate and breathing we call RSA, the more I feel compassion, the stronger the vagus nerve response. The more I feel pride, the weaker the vagus nerve response.
-
“vagal superstars”—that’s how people like to think about them. And what we find is a really interesting profile: if you have a really sort of a strong vagal profile, which you can cultivate through exercise, and recent studies suggest meditation, and other practices—if you have a strong profile, you have more positive emotion on a daily basis, stronger relationships with peers, better social support networks, kids in schools, fifth graders who have a stronger vagal profile are the kids who intervene when a kid is being bullied. And they cooperate, and will donate time like recess time to help a kid who needs help on homework. It relates to altruism and prosociality as well, and they’re trusted more. So another kind of data that says, wow, we think of compassion as this higher order emotion, but it really is tracking part of our nervous system as well.
-
it affects brain structures and also different organs in your peripheral nervous system.
-
it also lowers reactivity in a brain region associated with stress called the amygdala
-
If I’m given a whiff of oxytocin as I described I’m more generous,I’m more trusting, I’m better able to read emotions from peoples eye activity,I’m better able to empathize with other peoples feelings and natural levels of oxytocin correlate with more secure attachment behaviors with parents to their offspring, couples who have elevated levels of oxytocin solve their conflicts more constructively, more peacefully, and they even show greater generosity towards strangers.
- It keeps you loyal to your love—and leery of the rest
-
It turned out that if an oxytocin-snorting guy was already in a relationship, boyfriend actually kept his distance from his lovely interlocutor. Partnered guys who sniffed the placebo leaned in a little closer than their partners might have liked. The single guys, meanwhile, were probably too busy staring down her cleavage to hear the questions.
It makes us poor winners and sore losers::it gives us a visceral memory of those who have harmed us, as well as those who have cared for us.
- It makes you cooperative with your group—sometimes a little too cooperative
-
The oxytocin-influenced participants tended to go with the flow of their group, while the placebo-dosed participants hewed to their own individualistic path. Oxytocin is great when you’re out with friends or solving a problem with coworkers. It might not be so great when you need to pick a leader or make some other big decision that requires independence, not conformity.
- It makes you see your group as better than other groups (to a point)
-
dance study
- It does make us trusting—but not gullible
-
The drug “soma” from Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World probably contained some oxytocin. “We do have to be in the right environment to be virtuous.”
-
are non-human primate hands that enables to do all kinds of amazing things
-
immune response is right there in the skin
-
barrier in our lab and the person stuck their arm through
-
when the the woman try to communicate anger to the man you get zero right
-
when the man try to communicate compassion to the woman she didn’t know what was going on
-
-
we are a touch deprived culture in the West
-
England the two friends holding constant the unit of time touched each other 0 times
-
in United States in bursts enthusiasm we touch each other twice
-
in Puerto Rico the same friends touched each other 180 times
-
orfanotrofio
-
-
Social function
-
Provide feelings reward
-
Reinforce reciprocity
-
siglans safety
-
soothes (activates vagus nerve)
-
-
Promoting science of touch
-
touching premature babies just regular physical contact you get a boost the a weight gain by 47 percent
-
touching the patients with Alzheimer’s engaging them to engage in social touch precipitously leads to drops in their depressive symptomatology
-
teachers who pat students on the back in a friendly way that student is twice as likely to speak out in class
-
ibrarians are studying the last year’s founder pat their student checking out the book
-
the next happiness practice that we’d like to invite you to do is called active listening and this is a practice that will help you deepen your connection and communication enrich the communication you share with other people since what we’ve been talking about for this week is how important interpersonal connections are to your happiness for this practice you need a carve about 15 to 30 minutes to talk with a close friend family member a romantic partner someone him you’d think would appreciate an opportunity perhaps to vent find a quiet place we can talk without interruption or distraction and once you’re together invite him or her to share what on their mind as they’re talking this is where it gets interesting try to do the following: paraphrase for them reflect what you think you hear them saying for example what I hear you saying is or it sounds like or if I understand you right sort of get really involved in what they’re saying in understanding it well ask some questions at the right moments without interrupting when you say upset do you mean angry or afraid or sad try to really get to the bottom of what they’re telling you and be empathetic if they voice negative feelings try to consider what how they feel that way regardless if what you think but the think their feelings are justified for example you might say I sense that you’re feeling frustrated or even I can understand how that situation would have caused you to feel frustrated engage with your body language lean forward be open stay relaxed above all don’t check your cell phone right don’t look for messages or emails really tune into them avoid making judgments about what they’re saying really accept their perspective for what it is even if you disagree try not to interrupt hold back advice sometimes it’s best just to listen and not try to solve the problem that they’re sharing with you your presence and understanding enough itself is very valuable on finally take turns when there’s a national pause ask if it’s okay for you to share too and when you do speak try to use what are called I statements that that mean say how you feel don’t say what you think about them or what you think they might be feeling so go ahead try to figure out a time and a person and practice active listening
-
If you look at the United States' society and industrialized cultures, most people will enter into some sort of long term partner ship 85 to 90 percent, whether it be marriage or recognized as a long term partnership
Here they are:
-
Disprezzo
-
Criticismo
-
Stonewalling - boicottaggio
-
Defensiveness, atteggiamento difensivo
How to counter:
-
Humor
-
Gratitude
-
Forgiveness
-
Disclosures: non judging emotional reactions
Big Five:
-
openness
-
conscientiousness
-
extraversion
-
agreeableness (piacevolezza)
-
neuroticism (ansioso)
on average, marriage seems to be a good thing.
-
Practical help
-
Emotional support
-
Confiding or sharing as coping
Cortisolo - Ridotto in caso di situazione "confortevole" alto in caso di pericolo o stress
I’ve concluded that love, as your body sees it, is the momentary upwelling of three tightly interwoven events [1]:
-
A sharing of one or more positive emotions between you and another;
-
A synchrony between your and the other person’s biochemistry and behaviors;
-
A reflected motive to invest in each other’s well-being that brings mutual care.
Bonds last. Love doesn’t. The good news is that love is a renewable resource:
-
Look into their eyes—as often as possible. No texts, just glares
-
Seek opportunities for cooperative silliness
-
Turn unlikely moments into shared history
-
Take time to appreciate the good things
-
Take your positive emotions to the bank
-
"affective empathy"
-
"cognitive empathy"
The mimic and empathy
empathic concern is associated with all kinds of benefits people who experience more likely to help empathic concern are empathic distress have other issues and struggles that we can flesh out in later weeks